life is good.

so last week i was wondering through the bookstore with nicole.  i was in search of a t-shirt to give to a friend & this is what happened:

the clerk, austin (yes, i read his name tag), asked us if we need help finding something.

me:  yea.  where's your clearance rack?
austin: its right over here (he walked us to the rack). it's really small.
me: yea that's super small.
austin: yea & its not all on sale.  only tags with markings or stickers on them are on sale.
me: well, there's a red dot on your name tag.  are you on sale?
(at this point nicole started giggling & ran across the store)
austin: well yea!  (as he stretched out his arms & showcased himself)
& then he awkwardly walked away & i went in search of nicole.

i'm as surprised as you are that those words came out of my mouth.  it was just the perfect opportunity & the door had been opened so i just ran in.  he was cute...i just had to take it there.  i'm not even sure that it was something that i thought about really, it just happened.

let's think about this for a minute.  i asked the guy if he was on sale & he very enthusiastically said yes. this could just be him being a good salesman, or he could've totally been thinking:
she's cute & she just ran that awesome pick up line.  i'd hang with her.  
but did i ask him for his phone number?  did i give him mine?  no.  no i did not.

the stephanie of years ago would've asked for his number.  she would've written her number on a receipt & given it to him; that's what the younger version of me would've done.  it's the 21st century & men shouldn't have to do all the work.  there's a part of me that really believes that this is true.

but i'm so tired of doing it.  if a guy wants me, he'll come get me.  i've been pursued - i've told a guy no & had him call me until i said yes.  i've had a guy convince me to give him 1 date.  i've been there...its a nice place to be.

my life is amazing right now.  i couldn't be happier & i don't know if i've ever been in this place.  i'm completely content with evey aspect of my life & when people i know get engaged or married i'm genuinely happy for them.  for the first time, the first thought in my head isn't "geez.  when is it my turn?!"  i actually find myself being so happy for them & jumping up & down for them.  it's a really nice place to be.  as it is, my life is fulfilling & happy.  if i meet someone...great!  if i don't...that's cool too.  for the first time,  i'm fine either way.  i'm not going to count on a man to give me purpose or make me happy - i can do that for myself.