i watched a video on yahoo.com about a film director who created an elaborate engagement video & set-up that the newscaster called "worthy of going viral" in order to propose to his girlfriend.
again, i'll say it; i just think we're doing it wrong.
as a generation, we've lost sight of what it means to get married. now you might be thinking to yourself "but stephanie, you've never been engaged or married. you're just jaded & you have no idea what it feels like to pick out the white dress, the flowers, or the catering menu. you haven't been there." i would have to agree with you, 100%. i haven't been there & i have no idea what it feels like...but i still think we're doing it wrong.
getting engaged shouldn't be about the size of the diamond or the color of the gold. it shouldn't be about the elaborate way that he/she proposed. we shouldn't just be celebrating the engagement, we should be thinking about the marriage. we've forgotten that proposals turn into marriages.
once upon a time i was head over heels in love. i wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him. i was sure he was the one. he took me to pick out an engagement ring & i knew exactly what i wanted, but if he had come to me with a rubber band & asked me to marry him i would've said yes. if he had come to me empty handed & asked me to marry him i would've said yes. the ring wasn't important to me, i just wanted him. now he never did ask me to marry him, which i'm rather thankful for these days, but i learned how unimportant that piece of jewelry is to me. its jewelry & it can be upgraded & you can be married without it.
look, i get it - no one wants to get left behind. no one wants their friends to move one without them. of the 3 close friends i had in college i'm the only one who still isn't married. me. i had so many dates in college. i've had multiple serious boyfriends who have all taken me to look at engagement rings. i've looked at engagement rings with more men than i'm proud to admit, thankfully no one has married me yet. if someone had married me, i'd probably be divorced by now.
i'm only 27 years old & i know women younger than me who are divorced. smart women, women who have goals & plans. its like getting engaged & married is just something to check off the to do list. & if we're going to do it, we're going to do it big.why does a wedding need to cost $20,000? why do you have to invite people you've never met or haven't spoken to in 5 years? why? maybe i just want simple things.
a wedding is just a day. its one day. we are so focused on the wedding that the marriage is completely forgotten about. while i've never been married, my parents are both on their 3rd marriage & if i've learned anything from them its that marriage takes work. the wedding is the easy part - but we're so focussed on making sure that its perfect that we forget that at the end of the night we'll be in a marriage.
if the man who wants to marry me wants to get married at the courthouse i'll only request that i can invite my parents & my sister. it's just a day. when a man i love proposes to me, i won't care how i become his wife as long as i get there. but that may not be right for you & i'm not suggesting that it should be.
i'm not saying that your boyfriend/girlfriend shouldn't video tape the proposal or turn it into an elaborate production. i'm not saying that your wedding shouldn't be perfect & that you shouldn't care about your dress or flowers.
i want you to get engaged & married for the right reasons. i want you to marry someone who's your partner, the person who you know will stand by you right or wrong. i want you to love them so much that it feels like they walk around with a piece of your heart. i don't want you to get married just because everyone else is doing it. it's not an item to just check off of the to do list. i really want it to mean something to you. i want it to be your forever.
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