home sweet arkansas.

i’m a military kid.  throughout my short 27 years i’ve lived in 4 states & 8 cities/towns.  for a while we moved every 3 years & while i really hated it when i was younger, i can see the value in it now.  my mom says that i’m over-adjusted because home is wherever i lay my head at night. 

there isn’t a specific geographic location that i long to visit during the holidays & i don’t care to move “back home” as i age.  i’ve been rather happy as a nomad, moving from place to place & never really connecting with anyone.  i have often prided myself on my ability to make friends wherever i land & leave without my heart strings tugging at me to stay.  i meet people i like, but it’s rare that i work to maintain those relationships once i leave.  as i’ve gotten older i’ve gained a few friends that will be there no matter how far i try to run.  these are the people i hold onto the tightest; they have made my nomadic life more difficult, but not immobile.

as i think back i can remember a few key moments in life when i really felt a home; really felt like i belonged:

when i was 13& he asked me to marry him for the hundredth time. 

at my senior prom, dancing with my high school boyfriend & all of our friends.

the summer of 2007 that i spent living in my sorority house.

dancing at winter formal with my twin sister & my best friend. 

the moment i met one of my best friends in graduate school.

just a couple of years ago, crying on the phone to my dad because all my friends from college were engaged & i had just ended a 2 year relationship.

i guess home, for me, hasn’t really been a place, it’s been more of a feeling.  it’s a feeling i’ve found in people & situations.  it’s been that little voice in my heart that says,

“this is exactly where you are supposed to be & who you are supposed to be with.”  

throughout my life these moments have been fleeting.  it’s not a feeling that stays with me for very long.  it’s been kind of like a cold breeze that brushes you at the perfect moment on a hot summer day – you relish in while it’s there & live waiting for its return.

it’s not something that’s ever bothered me.  as i said, i’ve been happy as a nomad.  i usually looked at “home” as a burden – all of my friends were so eager to move back home & i just wanted to see the world.  i didn’t have any strings that tied me anywhere.  i always thought i was more free.

& then home found me. 

at first i didn’t notice it.  it was small things like really loving my apartment & the weather.  i started to fall in love with fayetteville & the people here.  once fall hit & the leaves started to change i was sold; this is somewhere i could see myself for years in the future.  but i still didn’t realize that this was “home” for me.

we were in a meeting.  someone asked the question “what is your favorite time of year on campus?”  first someone said the fall & football season.  someone else said may.  then, michael, who was sitting across from me, said “i really like february.”  instinctively i said “oh that’s my birthday!”  without skipping a beat he said:

“oh it’s stephanie’s birthday!  that must be why i like it!  stephanie already lives every day like it’s a celebration, so i can only imagine how excited she’ll be when it’s her birthday!” 

& then he went on to actually answer the question.  but for me, that’s when it really clicked.  the u of a & fayetteville, ar is a place where i’ve always felt comfortable.  these people, the amazing people here, have always seen me for who i am & embraced me completely.  they appreciate my excitement for life, my creativity, & who i am.  i’ve never felt like i couldn’t be myself, not once.

 

it’s a feeling i’ve never felt before.  i like this feeling.  i like these strings.  this is home. 

as you start preparing for the holidays & the time with family, i urge you to find your home.  go to those people or that place & just sit for a moment.  soak up everything that’s going on around you.  appreciate the little things.  be thankful for big things.  remember, home isn’t easy to find & home isn’t everywhere.  if you haven’t found your home, keep looking.  if a nomad who never wanted a home can find one, so can you. 

& if home is where the heart is then mine is at the u of a.